Homework Bound
by Feynman and Garfunkel
I'm sittin' in the railway station, got a ticket for my destination (mmmm)
I'm off to University, I'm goin to get my BSc
Because it is the best degree
To put Physics on my C.V.
- Homework bound
No time to pause
Homework bound
Homework - but my thoughts keep straying
Homework - there is no escaping
Homework - or an F lies waiting
Silently for me
Every day's an endless stream
Of lectures books and magazines
But each class looks the same to me
Derivatives are all I see
Or integrals dxyz
I need another pot of coffee
- Homework bound
No time to pause
Homework bound
Homework - but my thoughts keep straying
Homework - there is no escaping
Homework - or an F lies waiting
Silently for me
Tonight I'll hit the books again
With some paper and a pen (mmmm)
Assignments coming back to me
With shades of mediocrity
The marker writes "It's plain to see
The time has come when you should be homework bound"
Oh, no time to pause
Homework bound!
- Homework - but my thoughts keep straying
Homework - there is no escaping
Homework - or an F lies waiting
Silently for me
I Want to be Prepared
Subject: Electromagnetism
Tune: I Saw Her Standing There the Beatles
I was just studying
You know what I mean
'Cause when the midterm comes
I want to be prepared
Now I've read the book cover to cover (ooh)
And I've started pulling hair
Well I learned that the curl of E
Is minus dB/dt
So in the static case
It isn't even there
And charge density is divergence (ooh)
Of displacement but, who cares?
- And magnetic field
Has J for curl's yield
Keep dD/dt in mind
And since monopoles we lack
Except that one way way way back
That means the 'div' of B
Can safely be ignored
Now I need just one more pot of coffee (ooh)
So i don't get over bored ((overboard?)
Review
Subject: Statistical Mechanics
Tune: Sea Cruise (50's hit, Frankie Ford)
The final exam period's gonna be here soon
You're gonna be a spendin lot of time in your room
You gotta study hard or you'll be singin the blues
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
We probably began with a statistics review
Where Insufficient Reason told us what we should do
We counted ways of doing things and when we were through
We had a way of guessing that was usually true
- Oh review, review baby
Review, review baby
Review, review baby
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
The distribution function nearly drove us all mad
Distributing, distinguishing... it all looked so sad
Stirling's approximmation, the Saddle point too
Our aspririn bottle's empty, now what can we do?
The impulse finaly hit to try the ideal gas
Non-interacting particles moving in random paths
PV=NRT, we know that so well
But equipartition is a theorem from Hell
The models gave us all that we needed to see
That pressure simply measures energy density
This led us to the Virial, but that was not all
We derived the equation of J.D. van der Waals
- Oh review, review baby
Review, review baby
Review, review baby
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
Well if you feel like studying
That would be just fine with me
I have to mark fairly
And I'd hate to have to give you a 'D'
(Dee dee dee dee)
Oh information theory has permitted events
When we eliminated half that's what a 'bit' meant
We saw this had to do with entropy
By a simple constant times Shannon's Uncertainty
Statistical mechanics had us counting some more
Microcanonical ensemble is such a bore
Omega was irregular, all over the place
And Sigma had us in hyperdimensional space
- Oh review, review baby
Review, review baby
Review, review baby
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
Canonical partition functions
Were much better for me
Minus Beta times the Helmholtz function
Is the the exponent of 'e'
(Eee eee eee eee)
The sums involved may lead us to a terrible fate
So we substituted gladly with density of states
Replace it with an integral, it's really quite grand
To see that with our tables a solution's at hand
- Oh review, review baby
Review, review baby
Review, review baby
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
Quantum effects will dominate the grand old scheme
The fermions and bosons are really a scream
The fermions are relcuses with a lonely fate
'Cause they refuse to share their occupied state
The bosons love to gather all together you see
At low 'T' they accumulate at one energy
This gives phenomena that a really quite good
Like superconductivity and the super fluid
- Oh review, review baby
Review, review baby
Review, review baby
Won't ya let me take ya on a review
by: Anthony Gannon anthonyg@netdoor.com
Tune: You were Meant for Me by Jewel
I hear the clock, it's 5 A.M.
I feel so near me greatest fear,
I grab my notes I grab my Physics book too,
I'm sick of it all, even Chapter 2.
I rip my book and bear a smile face
I need a bonfire in my brand new place,
Wipe the spots off of the keypad,
I leave my dreams at my door.
I never leave my TI on the floor anymore,
Cuz Physics lasts for so long
Even after it's gone I know,
it still haunts me and soon you will see,
I'm going crazy, all because of it.
I called my professor he was out for a walk,
Consoled a classmate but he didn't want to talk,
so I picked up my paper it was more bad news :
More velocities ungiven, more torques being used!
Found the density of the pouring rain,
I got an answer but it wasn't the same cos
I was happy, but it was sad and it made me miss the next one oh so bad!
Cuz physics lasts for so long
Even after it's gone I know,
It still haunts me and soon you will see,
I'm going crazy, all because of it.
So I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides what would I do if I took it one more time?
Same old story, not much to say.
Minds are broken every day.
I burn my book and I clean up the ashes,
I know he hates it when I play with matches.
Then I pick up my paper and put my calculator down,
and I take a deep breath, and a good look around.
Put on my backpack and I walk out of class.
I'm half-alive and that test kicked my ass.
I try and tell myself it'll all be alright,
I won't have to study, again tonight!
But physics lasts for so long
Even after it's gone I know,
It still haunts me and soon you will see,
I'm going crazy, all because of it.
I'm going crazy, all because of it....
Merry Newton Carols come from various sources, including The Physics Teacher, Dec. 1990
here's a good one:
God Rest Ye Merry Physics Profs
God rest ye merry Physics profs
Let nothing you dismay.
Don't moan or cry if you must all
Grade finals Christmas Day
To save you from the registrar
If grades aren't on the way.
Chorus: Oh, oh, tidings of A's, B's, and C's
Mostly C's
Oh, oh, tidings of A's, B's, and C's.
